i was bored. and danced off a similar article about how does "shit happens" in different religions. got carried away, adding things and giving birth to my own idiocy. mello's ass is that inspiring
(i fuck up grammar and common sense, so here's Optimism Matt instead of Optimism!Matt or adjective "optimistic")


***
A cracky doctrine about Mello's ass


Faith Matt: - Mello's ass happens
Confucianism Matt: - Confucius teaches: what has happened is named "Mello's Ass"
Buddhism Matt: If Mello's ass happens, in reality it is not Mello's ass at all
Hedonism Matt: - There's nothing better than a nicely happened Mello's ass
Hinduism Matt: - Mello's ass happened to me in my previous life
Mormonism Matt: - I believe in every part of Mello's ass that was revealed and is yet to be revealed
Stoicism Matt: - Wise Matt doesn't speak about Mello's ass, he does Mello's ass
Islam Matt: - If Mello's ass has happened, insha'Allah
Catholicism Matt: - Mello's ass has happened because I was bad
Scandinavian mythology Matt: - Mello's ass is a hole in the middle of Yggdrasil
Matt Carnegie: - Mello's ass has happened? Smile at it!
Nihilism Matt: - Mello's ass has happened? Fuck it
Krishnaite Matt: - Mello's ass has happened. Rama-Rama
Matt Freud: - Mello's ass happened to me in my childhood
Rastafarianism Matt: - Let's roll Mello's pants into a joint! And smoke his chocolate stash too!
Solipsism Matt: - Mello's ass in my mind is the only thing that truly exists
Matt Nietzsche: - Mello's ass will make me stronger
Matt Jung: - Mello's ass is the archetype of the Great Mother (Fucker)
Gestalt Matt: - Every optical illusion shows me Mello's ass
Existentialism Matt: - Every Mello's ass is unique
Feng Shui Matt: - Correctly positioned Mello's ass grants you life energy
Zen Matt: - Mello's ass happening around you won't give you any chance to concentrate and meditate
Pessimism Matt: - Mello's ass is half dressed : (
Optimism Matt: - Mello's ass is half filled! XD
Atheism Matt: - boo, Mello's ass


UPD. here i claim:
Optimism, Pessimism, Zen, Feng Shui, Existentialism, Gestalt, Solipsism, Nihilism, Scandinavian mythology, Stoicism, Mormonism Matts to be born out of the ass of my brain. Others were alternated due to the "shit happens" article or simply left as they were.